Having gone through a lot of traumatic experience, Others wonder how I don’t go crazy. I think if you ask most people that have, although I’ve never taken a poll, I think it may be a 70-30 on who “seems” sane and who is in a hospital because they can’t cope. I suppose the later could be said of me but, I use distractions to get by. (at least most of the time) I use distractions so much I confuse myself, ha ha ha.
No really, it’s true! I might be in the kitchen, then head into the living room, ( which technically is the same room I used a sofa to divide them) and I forget why I began to go to the living room. In the first place. I know…everyone has done that…but I do it 24/7, even as I was about to write this, I sat down to type and stopped…I forgot to turn off the TV. So I got up, turned it off then couldn’t remember why? Oh!…that’s right…Sirami….So, I looked for my stupid smart phone, I know…Oxymoron, thats always putting words in where there not supposed to be. Huh? What was I talking about again? I was going to start to type, I had to think about it…as I started the the phone rang. It was my mom, we talked for a bit then I put the phone down and I had to think, “oh yeah..I was going to type…now what was the topic again?”
When C.J. died, I turned to bicycling and working out to distract myself from the visions in my head. I would do tyboe and punch at the air wishing it was someone else…Yes, I was a “zombie” for a while, and that didn’t always keep me distracted from thinking about it, It took a lot of working out until the next tragedy & I had to teach myself another way to get distracted.
My brother Leo wanted to get me away from the news and memories so we took a trip. I remember we drove his “Lil Red Pick up, (that’s what it was called), we drove down through the Pocono Mountains. That part of our journey was actually pretty funny cause I didn’t know how to drive yet, but had my permit “just in case”. Prior to going he drove me to this super big parking lot where a department store/mall used to be and let me practice driving in his truck. The parking lot was so long, he had me try and drive 55mph so in case he needed sleep on our trip, I could drive. But driving in a parking lot (as I’ve also learned when learning to ride a motor cycle) is NOT like being in traffic.
So, the two of us were driving through the mountains and he was getting tired. He asked if i wanted to drive. I said “no problem, I got this”. So I got in the driver’s side and at first it was easy, the road wasn’t mountainous and I was driving pretty good, he looked like was gonna doze off until we started down the winding mountain road, that 18 wheeler was coming up the winding road and the road all of a sudden seemed to get very small, like driving on a rope. ..I scared him so much he jumped up & yelled “PULL OVER PULL OVER!! I’M NOT TIRED ANY MORE!” ha ha ha! I was scared too and glad he jumped up when he did. We pulled over again a while later, so he could take a nap…I told him I was too scared to drive anymore and he said he was glad, cause NO WAY was I getting behind the wheel in his truck. ha ha ha!
See, I just did it again! I was supposed to be writing about distractions and I got distracted and started talking about a trip with my brother. Sandi knows how I am, and I’m not ditsy, I just get distracted easily.