Far From Home

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“Longing  for my yesterday…where did the time go?”

Kitty cat kitty cat…he giggled as I pointed to the kitty photos sealed tightly into their perspective pages. How easy life seemed to be at that brief moment in time. I loved to hear him laugh Reminincing about it now, how he’d giggle & screech as I read aloud during our special time. I always managed to make a moment, no matter how brief, just to sit on the oval handmade braided rug on our living room/kitchen floor. (My mom always taught me it wasn’t about the money, it was how you learned to have fun even with the simplest of objects.)

Now as I sit with my little 6 month old son, watching in amazement at the wonders in his eyes…how far far from my old life I really was…”wow…” a sigh escaped me as I began to reminince about my own childhood…and with a smile on my face, it was so hard to believe, here I was, with my own child. Where has the time gone? C.J. started to get fidgety. Has it really been that long ago? I’m so far from that part of my life, yet it seems like just yesterday. I began to soothe my restless child by showing him the kitty photo’s again.

I’m quite sure many reading this can relate. One minute your playing freeze tag on the front lawn, or climbing trees,or having butterflies in your stomach waiting or in my case dreading the first day of the new school year. Will the bully who seems to live to pick on me be there? (How was I to know the 1st girl to befriend me was her best friend and she’d get so jealous?) She’d pledge her young preteen life into trying her best to ruining mine any way she could. In my mind, I’d done nothing more than be the new kid at the school.

Jumping back to the infant kicking excitedly in my lap, and I laugh as I thought, those problems are nothing compared to what’s ahead…the mischiefes behavior of what a little boy seems to get himself into. Yes…I knew that for a fact, having 2 brothers of my own.

But, a heavy much heavier sigh escaped me… and I longed for those days…ANY of those days…its now almost 25yrs later, my bully of the past is gone but unfortunately so is my son, and the son who came after him, C.J. and Dylan. C.J. and Dylan died…far too young…how I miss those days…I wish I could go back to a simpler time…to escape too when I was climbing trees & playing freeze tag on my front lawn and had to be in when the street lights went on.

If I was sad, I could always depend on mom to hug me & say “its all going to be ok, now brush off those knees, and get back up.”

I’d love to just go back even once, maybe just for a peak, But…I know myself and I would not have the willpower to leave…it’s just a nice thought to think maybe just maybe, there’s a parallel universe where the Shirley there doesn’t cry all the time and long for those yester- years. Or maybe even like in that Twilight Zone episode, “Kick the Can”…didn’t even know what the game was, as long as I could escape and run, run as fast and far away from home as I could…or would I be running back home?

No matter… mom would always be there, and still is til this day saying to me: “You just get back up and brush those knees off…” :’-)

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